Hello. It’s me.

When I was in the 8th grade my Language Arts teacher made us sit in alphabetic order by last name. The boy who sat behind me was the most obnoxious person I had ever met. I mean like he bugged the crap out of me. He never shut up. Always had an opinion to share. It was absolutely mind boggling how much I dreaded going to that class every day.

One thing I can say is he was persistent. He never stopped trying to get my attention. Wrote me notes. Tracked down my phone number. It was something. As time went on we forged an understanding. And he grew on me. I admit, at first, like a fungus. But things changed. We slowly became friends.

After years of asking I finally agreed to go out with him the summer before our senior year. I wasn’t looking for anything much, he was much like a bulldozer. Like in everything he did he came at it full force. I got to know him. Really know who was under all that noise. And that’s when things changed.

I’ll fill in more over time, but jumping ahead we were married after college. Had 2 kids. Dogs. Cats. The usual. Until it wasn’t.

The day after Christmas I got the call. The call no one wants to get. He had been in a car accident. There is nothing like seeing it. I still see the images. Things I’ll talk about later, but for now just know it’s things you don’t ever want in your head.

After a nearly a month in the hospital he lost his battle to survive. Again, as I go forward I’ll explain more. It was at this point my life changed in ways I never saw coming. It was the most difficult experience of my life, and I am beyond blessed to have had the support of people who picked me up and carried me when I couldn’t get through it myself.

After 3+ years I’m here. I’m someone else, and then again, I’m more me than ever. This is where I’m putting my thoughts. How I got through. How I continue to move forward. My mistakes, and there were (and are) plenty. And hopefully some things I do right too.

Thanks for indulging me. If you want to comment, feel free. If you want to judge, please don’t. You don’t have to agree with my decisions. And all my decisions weren’t always perfect. Sometimes we just do the best we can in the moment. You have no idea what you’ll do until you live it. Some of this will be raw. Some will be cheesy. And some might give you a little insight. For me it’s a place to sort through my “crazy” and look forward. Baby steps...

With kindness and peace,

E