I Got You

Before I had kids I used to hate when parents would say to me that I would see things differently when I was a parent. I was wrong. There is nothing, I mean nothing, that is as fierce as the love of a parent and a child. When you see your children suffer it’s the hardest thing you will ever do. Right behind that is watching them make a mistake the you know will be bad and they have to learn that lesson for themselves. Parenting is the toughest job you will never train for. It’s also, by far, the most rewarding thing I will ever do in my life. My kids are my “why” and I will never regret that.

Putting my kids in therapy after their dad died was the smartest thing I did in the aftermath. There was too much for me to mentally deal with and they each needed a safe space to deal with their emotions. I was in a therapy session this week with my youngest. We do joint sessions every now and again to just touch base. I feel strongly that my kids need to have my promise that I will never demand to know what they discuss in therapy. If they want to talk to me, fine. If not, that’s okay too. I trust the therapists I found (this is beyond key) to let me know what I need to know to support my child in this area. I probably talk to my kids more than most parents. I don’t mean that as an accolade, it’s not. It’s just how we are wired. We have to talk on a regular basis to stay even keel. And I don’t mean just how the day was, but actually talk. We discuss the hard stuff. And this week in therapy was hard. It’s hard to hear that your child suffered and there was nothing more you could do. And then of course there is the doubt. Doubt that you really did handle it all the best way you could. And in all honestly, I didn’t always do that. I made mistakes, and ultimately some of those mistakes hurt my children. And that’s a tough pill to swallow.

That’s probably why my invisible tattoo is a mama bear. Looking back and feeling like I didn’t do all I could as a parent is hard. So I likely overcompensate. And sometimes I’m sorry about that. And sometimes I don’t regret one thing I say or do. In my job I work really hard to see the other point of view. To work with parents to help their children be successful has to be a team approach. If I can see where a person is coming from it makes a difference to me. I don’t have to like what you are saying. I don’t have to agree with you. I just need to find your motivation. Your “why”. If I can figure that out I can wrap my head around whatever you may be saying. I’ll take a mama or papa bear in my face about anything if I think the rant is based from concern for their child. I don’t have to like it, but I can accept it. If I can break down the motivation I can work with that. That’s the root. It’s not the grade on a paper. It’s not the fact the kid melted down over homework. It’s not that they failed a test. It’s what’s underneath. It’s the innate need to protect your child and help them be okay. I have people come to me often and say, “Oh you have those parents.” Yup, I do. And that’s fine. That parent just needs to be heard. Needs to let out the frustration of seeing their child suffer. They aren’t really attacking me, or another teacher, or the “stupid” assignment. They are protecting. They have seen their child hurt and they need to be heard. I can do that. Come to me as crazy as you want as long as it’s from a good place and I’ll walk through fire for your kid. Cause I want someone to do that for my kid.

Kids that go through trauma and abuse aren’t the same as other kids. The level of anxiety and lack of trust is beyond what you will ever understand. Trust. That’s it. My students need to trust that I believe in them. I need to trust that the parents are coming from a good place. Parents need to be able to trust that teachers will be there to advocate for their students. I don’t mean help them with homework or work on a concept. I mean have that kid’s back. My kids are difficult (not my students, although they are “mine” too 😉). They need people who will support them beyond what the average student needs. Dealing with children with anxiety is tough. They act out. They aren’t good at people skills. They feel alone even when you have tried to reach them. Don’t stop. Even when it’s tough, do it again. They need trust. And mama bears need to know that you will have their kid’s back. I need that.

It’s hard to know I made mistakes. I own them. I tell my children that I’m sorry. They deserve that. I have regrets. But I know that my kids will never doubt that I love them. That I am there for them. That I will always be there, no matter what. And that they can trust that I will be that mama bear. Cause sometimes it all goes back to one thing, and that is trust. I got you, girls. Always.